i do not want to be perceived but also i want to be rich
subtack is my knitting.
thank you, sir sounds weird, man. like come on, we are getting formal again? no reason for that. we’re all in exercise clothes. i won’t exercise in my good exercise clothes. that is for getting coffee at the Grove.
i wear athleisure like an exec producer, like nobody is quite sure why i am getting sent a call sheet and production reports, but if i don’t get them, the ad department gets an earful. the distribution isn’t even their department, but i don’t care. that’s how i feel when i’m wearing vuori, drinking an oatmilk cappuccino.
nobody has soy anymore because of the effective disinformation campaign initiated by the dairy lobby. they will keep making milk substitutes, man. you might have killed soy, but oat is not going anywhere. it’ll put your cows on the unemployment line. you got the keto people drinking heavy cream and eating a stick of butter for lunch, so you’ll be fine actually.
that bulletproof coffee dude put me off that shit. butter in coffee sounds good until you see the dude who came up with the idea. he is guilty of something. at the very least he is the guy at the party you say has done too much coke, and then his old roommate is like, he don’t touch the stuff, he’s just like that. that is much worse.
also, i don’t believe that he’s not coked up just because he says he’s not. i knew a dude who would always say he’s not on coke but was in the bathroom every five minutes and always broke. he was a lawyer.
you can be a broke lawyer. there are so many of them. it’s hard to pass the bar, but passing one tough test don’t mean you can’t also be an idiot. that job isn’t taking a test. it’s doing some other shit. mostly reading documents, or telling other people to read documents, or having ai read documents. don’t know what’s allowed there. a lot of lawyers will eventually lose their jobs, i guess. that is why i don’t work. i don’t want to be replaced by ai.
if ai does comedy, i am not worried about it. if ai writes babbling substack posts, that’s fine too. i’ll still do it to pass the time on an amtrak from burlington, vermont. it’s like knitting. the doing it is the point. who cares how else it can be made, or if anyone really wants it.
the audience has not shown up en masse yet, so i’m not waiting on them. i am the audience. i read this to look for insane typos. i’ll miss a lot of them, but i’ll notice hey, i like this.
the dopamine from outside approval has turned into anxiety. i don’t want too many people reading this or watching my videos, because that draws scrutiny. i definitely don’t want people i know here, but they show up to be supportive even when i discourage. they don’t think i mean it, but i really mean it when i say don’t read, don’t listen to the podcast, don’t watch the video. get outta here.
i’m not in it for the attention, but i want to be famous, but i am not, so i am humble.
none of this makes sense, but i am passing the time on an amtrak from burlington, vermont, vt.
i haven’t been home in months, and i start to think, did i really close the refrigerator? if you don’t slam it, the seal doesn’t take all the time. it’s a white refrigerator. the best kind. those fucking crazy refrigerators seem to be like, come on.
i’m a man of the people with the white rental refrigerator. those fake subzero cheap refrigerators that have the silver laminate on the outside are embarrassing.
accept who you are. a renter with a builder’s grade appliance. it was bought in bulk and has an unrecognizable brand name that is probably an indonesian company trying to sound german. it works fine, but magnets don’t stick to it, which is the secondary use of the refrigerator. no magnets make it half a refrigerator. i guess three quarters. 85 percent. i like refrigerator magnets. but if you don’t, i guess it’s a complete refrigerator, and the faux stainless steel is cleaner, so enjoy it.
i’m just stressed out because i am not sure if my refrigerator is open for the past three months. probably closed. who wants to call the landlord and ask for a new refrigerator? i’d rather move. it’s never a problem, really.
there was one super who was like a crazy angry guy, but then he had a heart attack and then he was really nice. must’ve seen something. at least that landlord didn’t live in the building, acting like you’re a guest in their home out of their kindness, as opposed to paying their mortgage so they can sell the building and move to florida when the city becomes too much for them.
it gives me hope when i see old people in the city doing their thing. playing bocci ball in la, or shorting heroin in nyc. really old junkies still live in manhattan because they don’t believe the brooklyn trend of the past 25 years is gonna stick around. and they’ve had their apartment since the 80s, and nobody is getting them outta there. the landlords hate the rent control but love the tax breaks. they are all rich.
you don’t have apartments to rent in new york city without being rich, so they are fine, but know they could make more money. i’m not anti capitalist. i am anti rich people sucking the blood out of the poor. capitalism is an idea, not a force of nature, so fuck off and stop being a dickhead. you’re harshing the vibe for no reason.
i hang out with some wealthy motherfuckers, and if their net worth was based on their self-awareness, they’d be hopping a freight train with a can of beans and no opener. no, the can doesn’t have a pull tab. it needs a can opener, and they don’t have one, so they have to bash the can on a rock and end up getting pieces of aluminum in their beans.
i like the wealthy people, but they complain about inflation like they don’t have multiple homes and a staff. i’m pretty good at acting like the wealthy have a right to complain about rich people shit. like how expensive it is to charter a plane, or how they got screwed on some art deal. i can act like that it’s so chill that they have problems too. i want to be rich too, so i try not to judge too harshly.
money doesn’t solve all your problems, but it should solve the money problem. having money should keep you from stressing about money and how to extract it from those who are trying to get by.
if this post is shown to me in a few years to prove i am a hypocrite, that will mean that i’m rich, and that will be awesome, so i don’t mind proving myself wrong.
hi rich me. remember when you had a soul. that was cool too. go buy an expensive watch or whatever douchey thing you’re into now. you deserve it.
see ya
– chris